In Which Vowels are Evil

It’s true. Look at any text which has been edited for “bad words” (can someone explain exactly what that means?), and you will find that, if the word has not been entirely deleted, the vowel has been replaced, thusly: d*mn, h*ll, sh*t, etc.

Now, that’s not exactly fooling anyone. We all know what was written, so what has been achieved by removing the vowel? The sentiment remains the same, the phrase is now stuck in our head, spreading its evil influence through our brain like a cancer (I suppose that’s how bad words work).

So I ask again: What’s the point of removing the vowel? On radio stations, certain words must be edited out for the safety of the public, so hath the FCC dictated. So when a “bad word” shows up in a song, the ‘radio-friendly’ version edits it out: Not by muting the offending word, not by overlaying the track with a strategically placed ‘bleep’ (that would be distracting and ruin the flow of the song): No, don’t use a broadsword when a scalpel will do the trick. Just muddle that pesky vowel so that it is unable to exert its evil influence on our pure little minds. Thus, when Alice in Chains’ “Man in a Box” comes on your local rock station, the downtrodden hero of the song only has his face shoved in “shsht”: Problem solved! V*w*ls *r* *f th* D*v*l.

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2 comments on “In Which Vowels are Evil

  1. Kat says:

    this is some funny shit

  2. i think you mean sh*t

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